Some of our most cherished childhood memories are those quick bike rides to a corner store for an after-school snack or the Saturday nights we showed up unannounced at a friend's front door. We were in the clear as long as we were home by dinner or returned home once the street lights came on. Our neighbors were addressed as Mr. and Mrs., we answered phone calls politely and cordially (we didn't know who was on the other end!), and we ate dinner together at the table, not in front of the television.
Today, things are different. The thought of showing up to a buddy's place unannounced stresses me out, and I recoil at the thought of someone calling me “ma'am”! However, change is inevitable, and some long-cherished manners and pleasantries have fallen out of style.
1. Unexpected Company
The idea of someone turning up with no warning can spark anxiety in some folks today, but 30 years ago, it was typical for a friend or neighbor to stop by for a quick chat without prior notice.
With the widespread use of cell phones and doorbell cameras, we're pretty prepared for potential guests.
2. Smoking Around Others
The “Stop Smoking” campaigns in the '80s and '90s had a lasting impact. Back in the day, it was considered polite to turn your head and blow the smoke away from your neighbor or opt to dine in the “Smoking” area of a restaurant.
Now, smoking around anyone, especially children, is a big NO.
3. Not in Constant Contact
Before the internet and smartphones, people didn't worry if they didn't hear from someone for a few days or weeks. It was standard to go a week or more before seeing a friend. Now, if someone doesn't text you back quickly, we wonder what's happened.
In many cases, people consider it rude.
4. Ashtrays at Kids' Parties
Imagine attending a kids' party at Chuck E. Cheese and, as a courtesy, the staff has situated ashtrays on the adults' tables. Sounds weird, right?
Well, it used to happen! While it's still considered polite in some countries, I'd be pretty uncomfortable if someone smoked near a child.
5. Varying Meanings of Ellipses
Back in the day, an ellipsis represented a simple pause in a sentence or, if used at the end, a suggestion.
However, they're now seen as passive-aggressive or even foreboding when used in emails or text messages. Even a period or full stop can be seen as short, snide, or abrupt.
6. Answering the Phone
With robocalls and telemarketing calls on the rise, many people prefer to screen their calls — especially if it's an unknown number or listed as “private.” In the past, that would be strange and impolite. In most cases, you had no idea who was calling your landline, so you couldn't ignore it.
What if you missed a call from your boss? You wouldn't know unless you answered!
7. Giving Kids Food Without Permission
In the '80s, if your child came home from school with a classmate, you'd probably offer them something to eat.
The idea of allergies, special diets, and asking for parents' permission for Sam to grab a snack would've seemed strange.
8. Reading the Newspaper
It was expected and not considered rude for family members to read a newspaper at the breakfast or dinner table.
Today, sitting at the table with your phone is considered impolite. The phone will still be there after dinner, so enjoy the moment, engage with your family, and remove distractions.
9. Phone Manners
There used to be a particular way of answering the phone that was considered polite and standard. It was typical for many people to answer the phone with “Hello, (Your Name) speaking,” and every call closed with a “goodbye.”
Today, you'll get a quick “bye” or, sometimes, nothing but a click.
10. Calling Instead of Texting
At some point, texting became more polite than calling. We often assume our contact could be busy, and a text is quicker and more convenient than a call. I've always had a bit of phone anxiety, so I don't mind this transition.
Once text messaging became widespread, it was usually only used in very casual situations.
11. Game Show Hosts Kissing Female Contestants
If you watch any old shows on the Game Show Network, you'll notice some things that wouldn't work on a similar show today, like smug hosts planting a kiss on the (often uncomfortable) female contestants.
Though game shows are still popular, most modern viewers can't imagine a host smooching a contestant.
12. Calling Someone “Ma'am” or “Sir”
This is still standard practice in Southern states, but it feels strange to someone from anywhere else.
If you're a woman over a particular age, it makes you feel old rather than the respect it conveys.
13. Referring to a Wife
I'd forgotten about this one. Referring to a married woman by her husband's full name was considered polite.
For example, “This is Mrs. Edward Smith.” It was, thankfully, something that was phased out due to feminism.
14. Parenting Other People's Kids
While this behavior was acceptable in the past, nowadays, parents are more inclined to respond with a “this is none of your business” attitude.
Criticizing a child publicly for behavior you disapprove of was once seen as a regular and respectful practice.
15. Commenting On Someone's Weight
If you've lost a lot of weight, it's nice when someone comments on your efforts, but in many cases, people won't say a word today because it might offend.
Back in the day, it was the norm.
16. Expecting a Thank You Note
In the past, it was often considered impolite to not make an extra effort to purchase stationery to express gratitude through thank you notes for gifts, dinner parties, or when someone did something nice for you.
However, in modern times, such actions might be considered excessive, and a simple “thank you” is generally considered sufficient.
17. Patting a Child's Head
It was not abnormal for a random person in a grocery store to pat a child's head.
It might be followed with a “good girl/boy” because the child behaved well in some way. Can you imagine a stranger touching a child today? No matter the good intention, this wouldn't work.
18. Tipping 15% at Restaurants
Tipping is an ingrained and standard part of American culture. However, 15% or even 10% would have been considered a good tip not too long ago. Now, it's not even close.
Many feel if you choose 15%, you're either a stingy customer or unhappy with the service.
19. Asking Inappropriate Questions
No one would have considered you rude if you asked when someone was getting married or going to have children.
Given that there are more choices these days, it makes sense that these types of questions are inappropriate.
20. Striking Up Conversations With Strangers
Nowadays, people are more likely to keep to themselves and respect other people's personal space.
Approaching someone to get to know them was standard practice many years ago, especially when there was no other way to meet people. Now, people are more wary.
21. Offering To Help Someone With Their Groceries
Offering assistance to someone with heavy groceries was once widely viewed as a kind gesture.
However, in modern times, some individuals may prefer to handle such tasks independently, and offering help without being asked could be perceived as intruding on their self-sufficiency.
22. Referring to Someone as Honey or Sweetie
I still come across this in the Southern states. It's normal to hear waitstaff refer to someone as “baby” or “honey” — it's part of the culture.
However, in most other places, the only people who say this are usually older women and men, saying it would be downright weird.
23. Making Kids Kiss Adults
I don't know about you, but I always dreaded this as a child. Being asked to show affection to someone I didn't know or like because my parents thought it was a sign of respect was pretty standard.
Today, forcing a child to do something that uncomfortable would be wrong.
24. Welcoming a New Neighbor With Food
One of my friends still does this, making me cringe every time. It was the standard thing to do before the 90s.
However, now I imagine food poisoning and lawsuits, and even without all that, it seems weird to make a stranger's food when you have no idea of their preferences.
